Mermaid-Wine

So. Last night and tonight have just been really, really tough. It’s been at its worst early in the evenings, when the wine has been crooning my name like a mermaid luring a sailor to his doom. And I’ve denied myself, and felt very hard done by. At some points I’ve been hanging on by a thread, and the thought of this blog has kept me straight.

I’ve been so ridiculously tired since I stopped drinking, and, for various reasons, I feel like I get absolutely no time to myself. It’s been an intense few days, with the festivities and three very excited small children. I’m wondering if it’s because my way of escaping has been removed – I can no longer switch off and numb everything into a warm fuzzy blanket of “nothing matters” at 7pm each evening (or earlier). I tried a few tactics I’ve read about,  like “playing it forward” to tomorrow morning, and how I’d feel then if I drank tonight. I ate some food. Both things helped.  A bit.

So I’m going to list a few of the reasons why I wanted to stop, to remind myself why I’m doing this:

  • I want to be a better Mummy. I want to be the best one that I can be, instead of being short-tempered, stressed, shouty-Mummy-with-a-hangover who doesn’t have the energy or will to play.
  • I would like more energy, instead of feeling tired and jaded, constantly.
  • I’m interested to see who I really am without the effects of alcohol & what I can achieve if I’m fully present in my life.
  • I want to feel more in control. As somewhat of a control-freak, I can’t really believe I’ve let myself feel this out of control for so bloody long!

Right. Deep breathing, Red. Tomorrow will be better.

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5 thoughts on “Mermaid-Wine”

  1. Hug.
    Take it one minute at a time if you need.
    Just don’t drink.

    Getting through the first days without the numbing crutch of alcohol is hard. But it is so worth it. You deserve to feel good.

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  2. You should be so proud of yourself. The first few days are tough. I had to leave for me time quite a bit the first couple of weeks. I would get a Frappuccino as big as my head and wander around Target for a couple of hours. (I’m in Texas.)

    I would let my husband know I was feeling ALL of the feelings, and he would encourage me to go do something, or he would grab the kids and head out.

    Lots of sober treats helped, too. I bought myself fresh flowers every week for the first month. It was way cheaper than beer!

    You are giving your kids an amazing gift! Without a doubt, I am a better mother now.

    Keep blogging. Sleep as much as you can. Treat yourself. What you are doing is hard and you are killing it!!!

    Wendy

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  3. This has cheered me right up Wendy, thankyou so much for your kind words. I think I might try a bit of retail therapy too & flowers sound great – I could look at them when I feel a wine urge. I’d love to wander round a Target – I wish we had those in the UK, they sound amazing!

    Being a better Mum is a huge motivation for me. So good to hear it’s worked like that for you.

    Texas sounds exotic – do you have snow there at the moment? The good old BBC told me so last night anyway!
    Red xx

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    1. I’m in the Dallas area. We woke up to a little bit of snow. The panhandle (several hours away) is getting tons.

      It’s been a scary week, weather wise. It was almost 80 degrees on Christmas Eve. Then, two days later, we had awful storms with tornadoes. We’re used to tornado warnings in the spring, but not on Dec 27!

      Texas weather is legendary for big swings. We like to say that we have four seasons, they just usually show up across a week. This is bizarre weather even for us, though.

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