Ruddy idiot

Well folks. I’m here to ‘fess up to you, I had a big fat f*cking failure at being sober last night. I’m so ashamed, I actually considered not blogging about it, and trying to cover it up. But then, what’s the point of this blog, unless I’m truthful here?

We took our little family up to another town to stay with friends – the kids played together in the afternoon, and the grownups had a delicious meal once the kidlets were asleep. I made it through the afternoon till 5pm, when I was offered a “real” drink. I declined, and my friends were utterly horrified. I downplayed things, saying “oh I’m thinking of having a year off the booze; my consumption was creeping up”. With hindsight, I should have been brutally honest, as I doubt they’d have tried talking me into drinking if they’d been aware of the full extent of the problem. They convinced me that I couldn’t possibly be sober on NYE, or celebrate properly without a drink. They were so crestfallen when I said I wasn’t drinking, I felt I’d be disappointing them and spoiling their night. Plus, honestly, I really really wanted a drink. And so began the first of many many drinks; G&T, white wine, red wine, champagne, more champagne, more G&T. We all got battered, and ended up dancing/moshing round the living room to music at full blast, falling into bed at 4am, and then getting up at 8am with the five children, the adults all feeling like death. We were so drunk, and it seemed like so much fun at the time. But even through the drinking, when I felt relaxed and fairly invincible, a part of me still realised it was a mistake, and just after midnight I felt huge, huge regret that I was so drunk.

So here I am. Sitting on the sofa, looking and feeling as rough as a bears arse. But with renewed determination to succeed in being free from the booze in 2016. This is damned well going to be my year of feeling amazing.

Wishing anyone reading this a very happy New Year, and if you’re thinking of stopping drinking, well then let’s do this thing!!

Red xx

 

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13 thoughts on “Ruddy idiot”

  1. Hi Red, go to my blog http://gingergroundhog.blogspot.co.uk and you will read more or less the same except I had no one twisting my arm I did it ALL BY MYSELF. Luckily I didn’t go too hard so I am not suffering physically thankfully, as for the mental state, well I am being compassionate with myself for the first time ever. Forgive yourself for last night and like me make a solid, serious commitment to ourselves. We do actually deserve good things and giving up the booze is, contrary to what the voice says, a very good thing. I doubt we are the only ones so let’s not don sack cloth and ashes but just call yesterday done and have a bright tomorrow. Well done for coming clean. With compassion, Ginger Groundhog

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can think of a particular set of friends who I would have allowed to have the same effect on me, if I would have been in your situation. I’m so glad you were honest with your blog (and yourself) about it.

    Hydrate, try to get get some rest, and begin again!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Learning to put myself first, even if it disappointed others, has been the biggest learning of sobriety for me.
    It means my joy and happiness come first.

    It’s not easy, but it is worth it. After all, we have to deal with the consequences when we do things because others want us to.

    Hugs. Onward you go! Here’s to a,sober 2016.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey, it’s a brand new, shiny year. Great time to start again, and much less peer pressure in Jan. By the time they all start drinking again you’ll be stronger. Just remember how you feel now so you don’t give in next time ;-). Hugs, and HN(S)Y! Xxx

    Like

  5. Hey, Red! If you read my latest post you’ll see I’ve pointed lots of newbies in your direction to give you some added incentive to keep going! I couldn’t post a link from my iPhone, but I’ll add it when I get home. Love SM x

    Like

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