My sober trip to the cinema last night was amazing. It helped that we went to see Star Wars, which has been a joy to me since early childhood. (Well, not so much Episodes 1 – 3. Let’s just not go there, ok?).
It was so brilliant, even more so than I’d hoped. It felt a bit like JJ Abrams had ripped the plaster off the last 30 years of my life, leaving me raw and pink and exposed, but in a good way. I actually shed a few tears – all the emotions in the film were just hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was even crying about ruddy droids, for goodness sake!
As we left the cinema and got out onto the cold quiet streets, my hubby asked me what I thought (he’d seen it once already). I actually couldn’t speak for a second, I was so choked up. And sad. But happy!
I can only think this was down to two things:
- Yesterday would have been my Dad’s 65th birthday, if he hadn’t died suddenly in 2014. He took me to see my first Star Wars film as a child, something I will never forget. He would have been there with us last night, and he would have LOVED IT. I missed turning to him and seeing the excitement which would have been running through us both.
- I’ve stopped drinking, and I’ve started really feeling. REALLY feeling things, but with nowhere to go and hide, which is what I’ve been doing for the last 25 years.
If I think about it, there are a lot of things I’ve been ignoring, and squashing down, and just bloody well getting on with (because I’m resilient, and I’m British, dammit. We’re terribly good at denial). I’m a bit scared at what’s coming, if I’m honest.
On a less maudlin, introspective note my first sober child-free night off has been amazing. I lay in bed last night, so cosy, so tired, and I absolutely luxuriated in the fact that I was bound for a long sleep, and a hangover free morning. I have enjoyed every minute of our lazy, cosy morning, with a delightful croissanty, fresh-coffee breakfast, and Not Felt Rough!
And for that, I shout you a big Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah! I wish anyone reading this a happy Saturday. Or Sunday, if you’re down under!!