Raw – in a good way

My sober trip to the cinema last night was amazing. It helped that we went to see Star Wars, which has been a joy to me since early childhood. (Well, not so much Episodes 1 – 3. Let’s just not go there, ok?).

It was so brilliant, even more so than I’d hoped. It felt a bit like JJ Abrams had ripped the plaster off the last 30 years of my life, leaving me raw and pink and exposed, but in a good way. I actually shed a few tears – all the emotions in the film were just hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was even crying about ruddy droids, for goodness sake!

As we left the cinema and got out onto the cold quiet streets, my hubby asked me what I thought (he’d seen it once already). I actually couldn’t speak for a second, I was so choked up. And sad. But happy!

I can only think this was down to two things:

  • Yesterday would have been my Dad’s 65th birthday, if he hadn’t died suddenly in 2014. He took me to see my first Star Wars film as a child, something I will never forget. He would have been there with us last night, and he would have LOVED IT. I missed turning to him and seeing the excitement which would have been running through us both.
  • I’ve stopped drinking, and I’ve started really feeling. REALLY feeling things, but with nowhere to go and hide, which is what I’ve been doing for the last 25 years.

If I think about it, there are a lot of things I’ve been ignoring, and squashing down, and just bloody well getting on with (because I’m resilient,  and I’m British,  dammit. We’re terribly good at denial). I’m a bit scared at what’s coming, if I’m honest.

On a less maudlin, introspective note my first sober child-free night off has been amazing. I lay in bed last night, so cosy, so tired, and I absolutely luxuriated in the fact that I was bound for a long sleep, and a hangover free morning. I have enjoyed every minute of our lazy, cosy morning, with a delightful croissanty, fresh-coffee breakfast, and Not Felt Rough!

And for that, I shout you a big Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah! I wish anyone reading this a happy Saturday. Or Sunday, if you’re down under!!

Red xx

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20 thoughts on “Raw – in a good way”

  1. I absolutely LOVED the new Star Wars movie!! Like you, I saw the original at the movies as a child, and our family has grown up being Star Wars fans. It certainly took me back to my childhood too. It’s amazing that you are feeling your feelings raw. It’s hard sometimes, but I think it’s something that we need to do. Your dad would have loved watching the movie with you and been so proud of you for being sober. (By the way, I think that episodes 1-3 were crap too!) I’m so glad you are enjoying your child free weekend. And enjoy your sleep-in!! A x

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  2. I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know yesterday was bittersweet for you, but isn’t it exhilarating to feel all the feelings? To have your memories of your Dad right there with you, not clouded up.

    And the sleep!! Sober sleep is so luxurious. I’m glad you had such a great evening and morning! Hurrah!

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    1. Thanks – I was getting a bit maudlin I think, not like me, I used to just drown such things in a vat of Sauvignon B! Star Wars – someone’s got to take a stand I guess and be the one not to go.. Bet you would’ve if Patrick had a cameo tho eh? 😉 Red xx

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  3. Hi Red – sooooo happy to hear you had a great sober child free night out (and morning after). My hubby took our kids to see star wars last week – so now he’s definitely going to have to come again with me!! I love a good cry at a movie – and have also noticed that emotions are all a bit more raw sober – but it feels good to ‘feel’ properly – rather than reach for a glass of vino for any little emotion!! I also reckon your Dad will be so proud of you for what you’re doing at the mo. I am also in the middle of a sober weekend – and still feeling strong and positive – I managed another sober dinner with friends. Onwards and upwards! Love SFM

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    1. Yay – great to hear you’re all positive too – sounds like you’re smashing through those sober dinner dates with friends, good on you. The more we do it, the more normal it will become I guess.. you definitely have to make your hubby take you to see Star Wars, just take a big hanky, the sober raw experience is pretty overwhelming! Leg me know what you think of it if you do go 🙂 Red xx

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  4. Hi Red, I have just started reading your words and Winothatiknow’s Blog. I am on Day 8 of my journey. I have known for years that I have been staring into the abyss and kidded myself that I could handle moderation or just drinking at weekends but I was always the one who drank the most and the recycling was getting embarrassing. I have no doubt the journey ahead will be tough but I am going to tough it out this time. I cannot remember my last sober Friday let alone a Friday and a Saturday. Please keep writing.

    Justonemore

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    1. Hey there Just one more – so good to hear from you! Day 8 is brilliant, there’s something about getting that first 7 out of the way. How are you feeling after a sober weekend? I agree it’s gonna be tough, but if we all support each other we can do it! Sounds like we had a very similar route to where we are now – I was in denial for ages, well, half denial, half resisting! Feels good to finally realise you’ve just got to crack on. Please keep in touch!! Red xx

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  5. As soon as the music started and words appeared on the screen, I was close to tears! I loved it too, and cried. I want to see it again without the 5 year old though, so I don’t need to answer the continuous questions (who’s that? where are they going? why is s/he sad? what’s s/he doing? who’s that?)!

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