Reflections

I’m feeling a little more, well, myself, this evening. Thankyou to all of you who commented so beautifully and supportively last night, after my Beserker-Mama rant.

I’m in a reflective mood tonight,  and I wanted to record my thoughts again mainly so I can look ’em up when I’m next feeling as though I’m not doing so well at this mummy lark. (“Lark”?? Who am I kidding? It’s not Enid-bloody- Blyton, it’s more Stephen King).

The fact I’m even reflecting on what went wrong and how I can make it better says a hell of a lot about the change 21 days without booze has wrought in me. The usual response would have been “Jeez, it’s so tough being a parent. I need some wine so I can get pissed and ignore it all. Yes, that will work! Hic!”.

When I think of where I’m aiming for as a Mum, my thoughts naturally turn to my own mum. She was ace at it, I was so lucky to have her. Kind,  loving, thoughtful, funny, safe. However, tonight I am reminding myself of the following:

  • She basically had me to look after. One well behaved child. Well, until I was 17, and found boys, booze and nightclubs.. I have 3 children all under 5 years old. This is often quite like being in a nightclub, but a little more noisy and chaotic.
  • She didn’t work from my birth until I was about 16, when she got a part time job so that she and my Dad could have a few more holidays each year.(!) I work, admittedly only half the week, but still, it’s a stressful job at times and it’s a whole load of other shit I need space in my brain for. If I’m not working, I’m looking after three small children, and then after 7.30, for a couple of hours I get to cook and eat tea, do chores, and sit down for a bit. She used to go to the freaking gym  during the day after she’d home cooked a months worth of meals and vacuumed the hall carpet twice.
  • My Dad took responsibility for the family finances, and all paperwork, and pretty much everything to do with the house. I look after all our finances, pay all bills, organise all insurance, sort out mortgages when required, maintain the cars, house, garden, plan all meals, shop for all food (online,  I admit) clothe the kids, do all laundry and cleaning, ensure homework is done,&  kids stuff is prepped for school the next day, think about any developmental stuff we need to do with them.

(Please note, Mr Red will do anything if I ask him, and is awesome with the kids, and always helps with the kids when he’s home. It’s just that the other stuff wouldn’t get done until waaaay too late if I didn’t do it. I.e. until things were covered in a deadly mould, or we’d been arrested.)

Right – I feel suitably Superwoman now. I’m not doing too bad at all I think.  And I know one thing for sure, I’m definitely a better Mummy than I was 21 days ago.

Inspired by Candyflossfog’s post on Sober Treats today, I’m going leave you with something that’s cheering me up a lot more than wine would. Happy night to you all.

Red xx

 

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4 thoughts on “Reflections”

  1. Well done Red, glad you are feeling better and continue with your sober journey. Giant virtual hugs for you, you’re doing great xoxoxo

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  2. Glad you are feeling better. Please see my comment on yesterday’s post. I think you are all AWESOME….all my stepkids are grown up – even my step grandkids are teenagers (although that’s another shit pot of drama) – and I have only responsibility for my Man Child and a cat. So I have NO FREAKING IDEA how you do it without coming unglued on a regular basis. But I DO know this…..alcohol will NEVER make it better – so you are doing a great job xx

    Liked by 1 person

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