To anyone kind enough to read my ramblings, I may sometimes come across as irritatingly chirpy about all this AF life so far, but truth be told, I’ve had a couple of visits from my own personal Gizmo the Gremlin this weekend. You know the fella, all cute and fluffy and big eyes.. “But you’ve been so good, and oh you miss the taste of a good chilled NZ Sauvignon soooo so much. You can’t have a real problem with alcohol, you’ve not had a drink for 24 days. You deserve a lovely big glass, just the one, nobody need ever know…”.

Well, you’ll be pleased to hear, I have most definitely not got Gizmo wet, or fed him after midnight. No, in fact I shoved him firmly in the microwave, the fluffy chirping little tosser.

It’s been hard if I’m really honest. I’ve been a bit grumpy, stroppy, and in a tizz with myself. But, I’ve found that once I’ve got through the afternoon/early evening, I’m actually fine. I have enjoyed my evenings. Last night Mr Red and I watched Interstellar together; what a film! Rocketed straight into my top ten, seriously. I could barely see my way up to bed afterwards, what with the swollen eyes from the weeping. And I saw the end too! (Well, mostly, through the weepy eyes). It says a lot about how insular my life has been over the last couple of years, if I managed to miss a film like that..

Tonight I had a lovely, sober phone call with my cousin –  we can go for years without speaking, and then when we do, we gabble on like The Swedish Chef on speed for about 3 hours. We get on really well and we’ve a lot in common, including small children now. Strangely enough, we got onto the whole subject of wine; I mentioned I’m doing dry January (a little lie there, but hey, break ’em in gently). She, like so many others I know, said she can’t wait to get downstairs after settling her little boy to sleep; and the first thing she does is pour herself a glass of wine as a reward. I explained to her that I tended to finish the bottle off every timeI did this, and she sounded slightly shocked. It just proved to me yet again that in no way was my drinking “normal”; I’d always assumed she and I drank a similar amount. Turns out she really does just have a glass! One! Pah.

Anyway, to combat my wine cravings, I’ve now developed a new unholy obsession. This time it’s with Reeses Peanut Butter bars; and I cannot stop eating them. It’s got so bad, that I got really quite upset on Friday when I discovered Mr Red had had the temerity to give the two last pieces we had in the house to his friend who’d popped round. I was in such a state of distress and withdrawl last night that I was forced to make a hot chocolate and dump two tablespoons of peanut butter into it. (Warning – DO NOT try this at home. It was revolting, but I still ate the glutinous muck from the bottom of the mug. I HAVE NO SHAME).

Happily, the status quo has been restored today after Mr Red had the good sense to return home with two bars of the stuff this afternoon. Bliss.

On that note, I bid you a fond goodnight. I fear I’m going to require a winch to get off the sofa very soon. Perhaps I’ll just sleep here, eh. With lovely Reese and his pieces..

Red xx


27 thoughts on “Gizmo”

    1. Sorry to hear you’re feeling low – don’t know about you but I’m finding I’m much more aware of my emotions sober, whether they’re up or down. It’s like I’m learning how to regulate it all again, or maybe this is normal, rather than just numb! I hope you feel brighter very soon xx


      1. I know, it’s hard to tell what’s just the process of sobering up or if you are actually a miserable tetchy boring person! Have been fine up to today apart from a couple of strange weeps over nothing at all. I am in a good place in my life overall and hope I wake up feeling better tomorrow. Good luck to you xo


  1. Holy crap this made me laugh. Out loud. And I don’t even use “LOL” but I did. Now then, I’m not familiar with the bars, just the cups. However I googled it and came up with a ton of recipes to make your own at home!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ooh I watched Interstellar the other night – loved it. Planning on another trip into space with The Martian some time this week.

    I hear you re your cousin. One of last things to push me into my sober journey was a discussion with colleagues at the Christmas party. One said he drank a bottle of wine a night, everyone apart from me expressed shock/dismay. It was interesting to see that response – it not being aimed at me, I was able to be much more objective about it, and I felt quite quite sad, for my colleague and myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so interesting about your colleague. It’s odd, I’ve just gone through life fairly aware that I drink a lot, and was an (ahem) “party animal”, but I thought most people were pretty similar. Only now I’ve stopped that I’m realising just how bad I was!
      The Martian is on my hitlist – lemme know what you think of it!!
      Red xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Glad its going well Red. This past weekend has been a killer but I’m hanging on in there by a thread. I took my 8 year old to see Star Wars (finally!!) and realised just how good a movie can be when you actually pay attention to it!! The end of January is beginning to scare me a bit if I’m honest.. not sure how its going to go yet, but planning to get through this week first before worrying about it. xx


    1. Yay – good for you for hanging on in there through a tough one. I feel your pain! Glad you enjoyed the film. It really is bringing a whole new light to cinema for me; before it had become an inconvenience really.
      What is it about the end of Jan that’s troubling you? I think it’ll be such an amazing achievement.. The only things troubling me at the mo are a) can I make it and b) what will my excuse for not drinking be once that’s done?? Wow – that says a lot about British drinking culture doesn’t it. We have to have an excuse for not drinking!!!!

      Keep hanging on in there!! Then we can celebrate our first real win. Red xx


    1. Glad to hear it, J1M.. Although I am very impressed with your snacking choices. You’re making me feel hugely unhealthy, as I’m back on the Reeses again. But hey; I figure I’ll tackle my new sugar addiction in February.. Red xx


  4. Hi Red!
    Way to go on not drinking!
    But eating peanut butter and chocolate is the best!
    What I have tried, which didn’t work either, was putting peanut butter in instant hot cocoa, just the powder.
    That’s yucky too!

    Liked by 1 person

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