I’ll admit to you, I’m feeling quite “pah” and a bit “bleuugh” about everything today. I’m over 3 weeks into this lark now, and I was fully expecting to feel bloody amazing. By rights, my liver and various other bits of my body should be healing fairly well from the years of abuse. I’m sleeping better, I’m looking after myself as much as I can – this consists of 1) remembering to take a vitamin, and 2) eating things other than biscuits and leftover sandwich crusts when rushing round after the sprogs. So I should be feeling better than I have in years, right?
But I’m just not, and its starting to get me down. I’m still utterly, completely dog-tired, my head is foggy, and when I look in the mirror, Casper the Friendly Ghost looks right back at me. If you can imagine Casper had experienced a very hard life, and had a reasonable amount of red hair. The dark circles under my eyes seem to be getting worse, for crissakes.
I just got downstairs at 8pm after a long day and a tricky, protracted kids bedtime, and I thought “Seriously – Is This It??”. What a hamster-wheel of drudgery my life feels like. I can’t be bothered to improve it either – I just don’t want to do anything at all, in fact I don’t even want to speak to anyone… well, apart from via this blog; it’s quite frankly all I can be arsed with. And all that’s keeping me going today, apart from the motherlode of chocolate nestling seductively next to me on the coffee table. My best friend sent a couple of messages recently trying to arrange a night out, with a small group of friends. I just feel like screaming “leave me alone I don’t wanna plaaaaaaay”. It’s not even about the not drinking, as these are old friends and excellent company, but I can’t motivate myself to want to go. Maybe if somebody arranged everything for me, got the kids sorted and off to the grandparents, gave me a full makeover (and I mean full; I need rendering), drove me there and wheeled me in, then, just maybe, I could muster the energy to be engaging. Maybe..
Right, buck yourself up girl, and stop whining. I’m going to scoot around now and look for some inspiration from all my lovely fellow bloggers. Oh, and one good thing – I don’t feel like drinking! Yaaaay! (She cheers, weakly).