I’ll admit to you, I’m feeling quite “pah” and a bit “bleuugh” about everything today. I’m over 3 weeks into this lark now, and I was fully expecting to feel bloody amazing.  By rights, my liver and various other bits of my body should be healing fairly well from the years of abuse. I’m sleeping better, I’m looking after myself as much as I can – this consists of 1) remembering to take a vitamin, and 2) eating things other than biscuits and leftover sandwich crusts when rushing round after the sprogs. So I should be feeling better than I have in years, right?

But I’m just not, and its starting to get me down. I’m still utterly, completely dog-tired, my head is foggy, and when I look in the mirror, Casper the Friendly Ghost looks right back at me. If you can imagine Casper had experienced a very hard life, and had a reasonable amount of red hair. The dark circles under my eyes seem to be getting worse, for crissakes.

I just got downstairs at 8pm after a long day and a tricky, protracted kids bedtime, and I thought “Seriously – Is This It??”. What a hamster-wheel of drudgery my life feels like. I can’t be bothered to improve it either – I just don’t want to do anything at all, in fact I don’t even want to speak to anyone… well, apart from via this blog; it’s quite frankly all I can be arsed with. And all that’s keeping me going today, apart from the motherlode of chocolate nestling seductively next to me on the coffee table. My best friend sent a couple of messages recently trying to arrange a night out, with a small group of friends. I just feel like screaming “leave me alone I don’t wanna plaaaaaaay”. It’s not even about the not drinking, as these are old friends and excellent company, but I can’t motivate myself to want to go. Maybe if somebody arranged everything for me, got the kids sorted and off to the grandparents, gave me a full makeover (and I mean full; I need rendering), drove me there and wheeled me in, then,  just maybe, I could muster the energy to be engaging. Maybe..

Right, buck yourself up girl, and stop whining. I’m going to scoot around now and look for some inspiration from all my lovely fellow bloggers. Oh, and one good thing – I don’t feel like drinking! Yaaaay! (She cheers, weakly).

Red xx





24 thoughts on “Tuesday-itis.”

  1. Red, I know what you mean. Looking in the mirror doesn’t help – in fact I avoid them. Plus stuck in meetings today with a pedantic git who cost me hours of my life that I won’t get back. I am away from home, which means shit food and walking back from the meeting, some arsehole decides to drive through a minor flood sending a minor Tsunami all over Justonemore – Finger raised and C Bomb dropped!! On the plus side – I have been catching up on War and Peace. No booze though and thats nearly quarter of the way to the 100 day challenge and I don’t intend to leave it there.

    Keep writing. Stay sober.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. You just made me laugh – that’s no mean feat today. “finger raised & c-bomb dropped”. Right there with you in that mood today. Congrats on the no booze again. What’s W&P like? I’ve recorded it, but can’t be arsed watching it yet (ha). Red xx


  2. PAWS lasts for a long time. Google it. It is real.
    The body takes time to heal. And that tirdness is a cue to rest. Let yourself relax. Stop doing.

    The beauty of life is found in stillness. I never ever would have believe it, but it’s true.

    I teach a yin yoga class that I call Finding Stillness. It took me a long time to be able to sit with my thoughts. But it is worth the effort.

    Hug. You are doing awesome.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi Red, I have days like this. I think Anne is right about PAWS, and that we need to look after ourselves and be kind to ourselves. Easier said than done though! I hope you feel better tomorrow. A x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I echo the above. It does pass. One day really soon, you’ll leap out of bed in the morning like Tigger, humming, irritatingly cheerful and full of energy. Then everyone you meet who is still drinking, will want to punch you in the face…..every phase of sobriety has it’s challenges.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi Red!
    You have a very busy life, so you will be tired even not drinking.
    Our bodies can only take so much, and then we need rest.
    I can’t believe how much sleep I need now. I was sleep deprived my whole working life!
    Hugs do what you need to take care of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Red – Tuesday is really the most blah bleurgh day of the week – I agree. But hey it’s a whole lot better without the vino isn’t it?? so glad to hear you don’t feel like drinking though. How awesome is that. Everyone says that you get to that point where it’s all become a bit samey and normal and not as WOW this is amaaazing feeling (is that the pink cloud?) once we’re at our stage. PAWS I guess – from all those comments above. I suppose we need to re read our – reasons for quitting/play it forward ditties – to help keep us motivated. My motivation also lies in – nightly luxury hot choc – topped with marshmallows cream and with extra choc buttons thrown in. I’m trying to buy less actual choc bars (in the hope of eating less), but I succumbed to a pack of reese cups yesterday – and I totally blame you because I’ve not had a craving for those since I read your post about them !! Haha. I totally forgive you though because if reese pieces cheer me up and stop my cravings they’re well worth the however many calories it says on the front of the packet!! Hehe. So I’m hoping those calories start shifting when I get to day 100!! Or I manage to give up the new chocaholism I’ve developed! Either way I’m still happier without the vino that’s for sure. Also being AF means my fitness training is going much better than previously so hopefully I’m burning some of the hot choc and marshmallows off! Anyway tomorrow will likely be a less blah/bleurgh day! Take care Red. Love SFM x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thanks SFM! So good to hear you’re doing well. I love the sound of your hot chocolate, I’m going to try that one! Apologies for spreading my Reeses addiction.. They are so lush though. I’m pretty sure the sugar thing will wear off once all this body stuff settles down for us. Plus if we’re more active now that can only help!! I just need to get up and start moving! Big hugs. Red xx


  7. It’s the end of January, totally bleugh time of year. Grey, wet, miserable. Make the most of any blue skies that come your way, buy some daffodils, eat the chocolate with abandon.
    I’ve been doing 5 or 10 minutes of meditation before going to sleep (flipping between Headspace and zen4minds), it might be worth a shot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ooh thanks Jojo. I’ve been considering meditation but wasn’t sure where to start. I’ll give those a go tonight I think. I’m guessing you’re in the UK too if you’re fed up with the relentless grey. I’d forgotten, but even when drinking I always hated January!! Red xx


  8. At least I am no longer in Andover. To borrow from the late and much missed Linda Smith, Andover’s not twinned with anywheree but it has a suicide pact with Dagenham. Home now and glass of nettle fizz consumed – much nicer than it sounds.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you’re back from that hellhole! Nettle fizz eh? Sounds interesting.. may I ask where one procures such an item?? I remember my Mum making nettle soup once (in hard times). I don’t think there was much “fizz” about that though!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s