Retirement (oh, yes please ).

Tuesday evening seems to find me rather tired at the moment. I think this might be due to the fact I work Weds -Friday, but on Monday and Tuesday I’m full-time Mummy. And tonight, after two days of that, I’m so darned tired I can barely think straight.

This may in part be due to one of my small people, who I swear had Beelzebub in him today. There were (amongst other things) toilet issues. “Mummy – I need a pooh. Mummy it’s out of my bottom. Ooh look Mummy, it’s in my pajama leg!!”. This last bit was said with delight and enthusiasm, as if he’d just seen a rainbow, or a baby lamb or something to wonder at. I just could not move fast enough. And we won’t mention the mealtime where he tried to eat ketchup and scrambled egg with his hands. Or, indeed, what’s now known as “The Great Yoghurt Disaster of 2016”. Lets just say I will be finding deposits of it for years to come.

Anyway, now I’m finally flat on my back relaxing, I find my thoughts (unsurprisingly) turning to my retirement. It’s a strange one, as I am realising now I’d basically built my entire retirement plan around booze.

So. The Plan: Firstly, Mr Red and I would head for California, purchase a 1970’s Ford Mustang (or more realistically a campervan) and then gently bum around from vineyard to vineyard, and craft brewery to craft brewery, taking in the odd national park, sleeping under the stars, and probably running from bears. We’d eventually settle in a cabin by the sea, or a lake, with a big veranda and stereo, and drink wine in various sunset scenarios for the rest of our days.

However. The use of the word “plan” here is slightly misleading, as it indicates there’s been some sort of financial element to this. Sadly no, I’ve got as far as daydreaming, and then thinking “Shit I must sort out a pension. Oh balls, I’m 42, not 22, wtf happened???”. Also, Mr Red is younger than my good self, by nearly *$%*bleepitybleep years. Naturally, I won’t be inclined to sit in limbo waiting until he’s of an age; no, he’ll just have to bloody well retire when I do. So this plan was all going to require some cash, which is currently of the imaginary sort.

On reflecting this evening, I’m pleased to say that finally now I’ve stopped drinking, there’s a slim chance we’ll have the finances to fulfil this dream one day. (The Living Sober website counter tells me I’ve saved about £142.15p already. I’m expecting my cheque in the post shortly; that’s how it works, right??).

The trouble is, the dream will have to change, as the booze-soaked option, well it’s just not an option now.

My question is, what the hell will we do instead?? And the joy of it is, I’m really quite excited to find out.

Red xx

Ps – any retirement plan suggestions most welcome! Please, no bingo.




20 thoughts on “Retirement (oh, yes please ).”

  1. Man, I can’t wait to retire. Every time I have like a week off and I get up late and sip coffee in my pajamas I think “It’s gonna be just like this!”. Sadly, it won’t be California where your cabin on the beach starts at $1M and has very expensive HOA fees. However, you could live in a nice RV park on the Oregon coast for about $400/mo!


    1. Yeah, we were actually planning to end up in Oregon!! Portland always appealed due to the craft beer scene there. Going to have to re-frame that one then ;-). Plus I fell in love with the coastline in the Goonies movie when I was about 12, so it’s always been on my list!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Similar to you Red I have no satisfactory retirement pot having been a) single mom for nearly 18 years which means you live in the red (excuse the pun) b) having not enough money for booze left I very often bought on a credit card leaving me further in debt than ever. At this rate I will not be able to retire til I am 75-80 and at that stage I may well just give myself over to alcohol :-(. On another note I remember those days with little ones well. My one involved lots of shouting “Mom, come in here” “Just a minute sweetheart” ” No Mommy come NOW” “I said just a minute, I’ll be right there” next thing my daughter appears in the kitchen saying “here take this, I kept calling you” and in her little hand….. Yes you guessed it, a big pooh!! I am on the other side now, she’s nearly moving out. Cherish those moments, even if steam is coming out your ears.

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  3. It will come. I have 11 years of work left. A bit too far to count the days.

    I anticipated a boozy retirement too. No vineyards, as craig hates wine, but drinking and travelling.

    Our recent venture onto Shiprocked showed me that we can do anything we thought we might, drink free.
    Drinking is not required for fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I worked in Florida for 6 months, too hot and quite a lot of beer and cocktails, particularly at the weekends- even in the shopping malls! Great BBQ though and lots of Harleys. I am thinking of a croft in scotland- no cocktail ingredients and a margerita just wouldn’t taste the same in a howling gale and sideways rain. Reality bites and back to work tomorrow. Your words do lighten my evenings.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah – a Scottish croft eh? Sounds good, maybe I should rediscover my love of scrambling up mountains and do something similar. I think being active will be the way forward for me. Good luck with work tomorrow! Red xx


  5. Hi Red – yes I also look forward to retirement. And like you feel exhausted to the max with mummy duties mixed in with work – best (and worst) of both worlds I’d say. Like I said before – it all gets slightly easier as they get a bit older – I don’t have any ‘poo’ incidents anymore – but each stage brings it’s own challenges as they say. I’m already dreading the teenage yrs – and would undoubtedly have drowned them in vino – but hopefully will deal with them much better AF. Yeah it’s funny how we now need to sort of re plan our futures AF. I have no doubt they will be even better because they will be AF but takes some re-tuning and re-wiring within the brain to plan and get excited about them. We will get there though Red. I know it. I’m so pleased we’ve broken into February and have hit that month milestone. Still need to work out how to cut out the chocolate/sweetie overload – but there’s plenty of time for that!! And although I’m not losing wt, I’m not gaining any because of the absence of alcohol calories and all the better quality exercise I’m doing. Already looking forward to your next post. Love SFM xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there SFM! So glad your still hanging on in there with me 🙂 Yes I’m dreading teenage years too; they terrify me! Hopefully as a sober mum I’ll be present and be able to support and help them through that phase rather than just getting battered and hiding!! Red xx


  6. Oh man, you had my retirement plan! Sadly for me, my husband loves working…..’Just think honey, we could sell this business and then start another one! With any luck, we’ll still be working well into our eighties!…”

    Send me poo.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha – oh my word. Your eighties? Well, I guess we’re all so damned healthy now, we’ll be fit as fiddles in our (ahem) later years…
      I won’t send you poo. I could quite happily send you some toddlers though. Red xx


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