Ahoy there, shipmates!

Hello there!! *raises head gingerly above parapet*. Well I’m still here, whether anyone is still reading may be more in doubt however.

Since my last post, much has happened. Many bottles of wine have been consumed, a few stinking hangovers have been weathered. I’ve been reading blogs still, and thinking about my drinking, and watching some newbies heading into their AF world, as usual feeling a lot of affinity with my blogging friends, and rooting for you all.

I’ve been mostly keeping a lid on my drinking. In Red-World, this means not drinking at allย on the three nights a week where I have work the next day. And then on the other 4 nights, consuming at least a bottle of wine per night. Oh – and then there have been the weekends where I’ve been at parties (the one where we had 2 craft beer hand-pulls set up in our mates kitchen was memorable. Or was it? Damn you, alcohol-induced memory loss). Or the weekend we had friends to stay, and started drinking at 5pm, and stopped drinking the following 3am. And the particularly spectacular hangover I experienced after a Friday night at home with Mr Red, where I proceeded to attempt to numb the stress of the previous week with ALL of the wine. I must blog this next bit as it’s possibly my lowest hangover moment EVER. Ahem. Here goes.

I woke late, after my kind husband had risen with the children and allowed me to lie in. I had the kind of headache/sick/roiling stomach where only water therapy will work, so I got myself into the shower, drank a soluble vitamin drink and took some painkillers. Big mistake – when will I learn that paracetamol is a bad idea on an already overloaded liver & stomach? I stood in the shower as long as I could, but I was freezing so I ran the bath and sat in it, with the shower still going on my head. I soon started to feel really quite sick as the painkillers did their worst. I was about to get out of the bath and head for the loo, at which point, my youngest son (3) burst into the bathroom, announcing his urgent need for a poo. He then clambered up onto the loo, hidden from sight by a small wall, but chatting happily away to me. I, on the other hand, proceeded to very quietly, but quite violently, throw up into my own bathwater. The young man went about his business, blissfully unaware, and returned downstairs, while I then attempted to shall we say “wash away the shame”.

I am aware just how revoltingly, awfully bad this is. And on re-reading the above, its perfectly obvious I am in no way “keeping a lid” on anything. This was a couple of weeks ago, and things have calmed down a bit now. But I’m coming again to the conclusion that drinking is impacting on my life, the children’s life, and that all the stress I’m trying to blot out is only being exacerbated by the drinking habit. The stress is fucking ENORMOUS at the moment by the way; my job, looking after the house and 3 children, and Mr Red’s business are all taking their toll on me. But I know, in my hind-brain, that this would all improve if I could just let go of my alcohol-crutch, and maybe try some exercise and self-care instead. But hey – that ain’t the easy option, now is it?

I’m managing to find time to write this, as I’ve been battling a chest infection for over two weeks now, and today finally I admitted I need a sick day off. Trying not to impact on work, I’ve picked today (a non-working day) and the only way to do this was to get my eldest to school, then drive the twins to their Gran’s for the day. I finally got back home to bed at 11am, and I’ve been resting in bed, and watching John Hughes movies. Probably the first time I’ve had a proper sick day in 5 years. Oh for the pre-kids days when you could pick up the phone and call in sick still in your dressing gown.. Still, got to get up in an hour and do the school run. Go Mummy-Power!!! (Cough/sneeze/splutter).

Anyway, here I am. No drinking last night, and there’ll be none tonight. We’ll just see how the weekend goes. But I’m feeling more determined than I have in ages. Wish me luck, friends.

 

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on “Ahoy there, shipmates!”

  1. Welcome back Red, you have been missed. It’s a hard road to follow and we all get distracted down side streets now and again, sounds like you are back on track again. Leave your shame behind, you don’t need it here, just let it go. We all have moments that we look back and grimace at, mine was vomitting at 6:30 am on a dog walk and it was ALL red wine! At 6:30 am before I DROVE to work, (hangs head in shame) that is something I cannot think about without shivering with fear. Lovely to see you post again. Ginger

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  2. Welcome back Red!! I have two kids fighting like cat and dog here right now so I can’t write the length of post you deserve.. .needless to say I am visualising that bath and it ain’t looking pretty!! Onwards and upwards now though.. this is thoroughly doable. Get well soon and I will check in again later if kidlings ever get to bed!!

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  3. Oh Red, it really, really, REALLY does sound familiar and I feel your pain but on the plus side – and there is a plus side! – the above comments are spot on: like Ginger says, let the shame go, let it do one. Adios shame. And yes to SWMum, this IS thourougly doable and Anne is right as always, sober life is just so much simpler. Good luck my friend and good to see you back x.

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  4. Red, maybe I’ll just live my drinking life through you and your OH. I am still AF and to be honest, less anxious about drinking as the weeks pass but I do feel as if a spark has gone out (I read SM’s stuff on FOMO etc and I get it but sometimes I’d rather be sitting in the bar than in Costas – sober heresy). Don’t think I’ve ever blown chunks in my bath but have had a couple of close calls at the other end of the digestive tract – I want to plead temporary memory loss but the embarrassment is forever etched in my mind and a certain piece of open green space near Vauxhall Bridge. Anyway, I’m glad you are back and sorry that you are off colour but enjoy your daytime TV!!

    Justonemore

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    1. Ha – I nearly used the phrase “blowing chunks” myself.. it was a simultaneously funny and depressing moment. Let’s just call it black comedy. FOMO is a major hurdle for me too. But I look back on my last few weeks of drinking and the lows far far outweigh the highs, my friend. I think you’re doing brilliantly; I’ve been mildly stalking you in the comments sections of other blogs! Red xx

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    1. Thanks Jackie – I just need to get my brain to break the connection between “drinking” and “fun”! I don’t feel too bad about the bath incident really, in the sense that no-one else saw me, (ie children) and I’m vaguely cloaked in anonymity here.. but if I imagine, say, my son’s school teacher knowing? Yep there’s the shame ๐Ÿ˜‰ Red xx

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  5. Oh Red, I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time. We all have our moments of misery and shame. You just have to dust yourself off and keep trying. I know it’s difficult when you have a lot of stress in your life. It’s so easy to justify drinking. But I’m learning that it doesn’t help anything, only makes you feel MORE stressed. Life is so much better sober. You can do this. A x

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  6. Hi, Red! Welcome back! To the ranks of those of us for which “a couple of drinks” is TOTAL FANTASY. hahahah! Horrifying story, but we all have them (I’m looking at the rug in the bedroom that covers up mine! Red Wine+No Dinner+ White Carpet= OH MY FUCK)

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