I’m in the bath again. I’m going to re-purpose this blog into one about baths and bathing, it seems to be such a recurring theme.
I’m ill again. On my third set of antibiotics this month – two for the pesky chest infection, and now I have that lovely childhood favourite; tonsillitis! It feels like someone’s stabbing me in the tonsil with a knitting needle every time I swallow, after having first run me over with a heavy-goods vehicle. You know it’s bad when the doctor winces visibly when they look down your throat. The word ‘pus’ was bandied about.
So – since my last blog I’ve been trying to “keep a lid” on my drinking, with varying degrees of success. I’ve not been drinking during the week, and reining myself in over the weekend. This still consisted of drinking three beers and two bottles of wine over the three nights. Frighteningly, that’s actually me behaving myself.
I’ve had a few really good, honest talks with Mr Red, all about the drinking; my drinking, his drinking, too much drinking. He wants to cut down too, so we made a plan for the weekend, and almost stuck to it. His idea was to only drink at weekends, but I pointed out the guilt this makes me feel; as by doing that I’m prioritising the weekdays where I work and see less of my little ones, over the weekends when I finally have some time for them. So I said I’d drink on one night, and be sober the other, so I had at least one day with them hangover free. I didn’t stick to this, I’m ashamed to admit, but I was more aware of drinking and stopped sooner. And had a good Sunday with them as a result.
I think I agreed to try this plan so I could prove to Mr Red that moderation is not an option for me – “hey look; I tried and failed spectacularly, so I’ve just got to give up now, d’you see Honey?”. But when I re-read this again, it seems more and more like I’m weak, can’t take responsibility for my own decision, and am trying to manipulate the situation so that he’s finally telling me to stop. What’s with that thinking? Why do I need so badly for others to tell me what to do, to give me the permission I seem to need to make my life better?
I am also starting to suspect that my drinking is compromising my immune system. In fact I think my immune system has actually buggered off, due to the unreasonable working conditions I’ve been imposing on it, and is currently living the life of Riley on a beach in Brazil. Can any of you tell me whether you noticed an improvement in your resistance to bugs & viruses once you stopped drinking? I felt a real sense of despair when I realised I was getting ill again so soon – I’m struggling to remember when I was last really well.
Anyway – I’m discovering these baths of mine are an excellent time for reflection. Let’s all Bath Our Way to Sobriety!!!