Accountability calling

Right. I’m back, folks. Today is day 2 of an initial 100 day commitment. I’m not scared of a sober Christmas; I did it last year and it was a revelation. I do have a few challenges ahead, which I’ll list in a later post, hopefully along with a whizzy old plan of how to overcome each.

I’ve been building up to this over the last few months. I’ve had a few brief periods of abstinence, but in general I’ve noticed my drinking sessions have been getting heavier. I don’t find two or three alcohol free nights a week too tricky (Eg the nights before work, or during a period of child-illness, such as The Great Chickenpox Disaster of October ’16), but when I do drink, it’s been getting up to two bottles a day. And over the last few weekends, I’ve had to have a drink fairly early the next day to make myself feel ok. Of course, this is not ok.

I’ve been literally devouring Primrose’s blog recently (Taking A New Path) which has been a godsend.

After reading her post about effective strategies in recovery I’m going to cherry pick the four which appeal most right now (ie which are most achievable)..

  • Asking for help
  • Documenting the process
  • Self-compassion
  • Exercise

I’ve also planned my 100 day treat – a Hotel Chocolat “chocolatiers table”, which is possibly the most amazing box of chocolatey goodness in the known world. Ever. And with all the money I’ve saved by dropping the wine, I’ll be able to afford the eye-watering three figure price tag with ease! Huzzah!

So – in the hope that there’s still of my fellow bloggers, lurkers and commenters out there still reading this – cheer me on please, if you feel so inclined. Something tells me I’ll need all the support I can get.

Red xx

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34 thoughts on “Accountability calling”

  1. I’ll cheer you on Red.. I’ve been off radar for a while but find myself in a similar predicament. You were the first person to support me back in March and whilst neither of us have quite gotten to where we want to be yet, the fact we continue to try means there is hope. Welcome back to blogsphere. xxx

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    1. Hey SW Mum! Great to hear from you. Just read your post from today but can’t find where to comment.. I love the idea of it being a mythical moderation – it describes it perfectly to me, as it is impossible as proved this year so far.. Well I’m with you in these early days, let’s keep checking in eh? I already feel 100% better than yesterday.. xxx

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  2. Hi Red. I’m here, cheering you on too! I can relate to your drinking habits. Usually if I manage to ‘be good’ on (most) school nights, I then end up diving straight into the deep end on the days where I allow myself to drink. So I am drinking more heavily, yet have the illusion of self control. Just gets too messy for me! My head goes to pieces afterward with guilt and anxiety. I’m on Day 9 here, so early days for me too. I haven’t had a sober Christmas since about 1999… Might need your offerings of Wisdom this year! Will defo check out ‘Taking A New Path’, Thanks for sharing. So far my strategy has been: Wine Gums. Hope You’re getting on ok xxx

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    1. Sounds so familiar to me!! Great to hear you’re on Day 9 – let’s get through this sober Christmas thing together, eh!? I’m finding eating literally whatever I like a pretty decent substitute. Not a sustainable approach, but last time I found it naturally evened itself out, so hopefully it’ll be the same this time! Red xx

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  3. The 65 quid job or the 100 quid box? I’d like to say I’m past the chocolate stage but its my weekend treat along with ice cream. Basically, as you know, its whatever gets you through the early days. I’m going to name drop here but I was standing in Fortnums today buying coffee – my new craving and I bought some smoked salmon for my supper tonight (I live away during the week and its usually soup and salads, albeit from Waitrose (its the closest supermarket, I swear)) when the assistant came over and said I could pay at the wine department till. I walked over and the lady offered me a glass of port to try and I actually said “no thanks, I don’t drink alcohol”. I have never said that in my life – mind you I would love to have wolfed about a dozen of their free samples so the old craving never seems to go away!! I have also discovered an alcohol free beer called “St Peters without”. It is spookily like a draught real ale. Anyway, really glad to see you back. I’m 10 months or so down the road now – a fair bit lighter but that’s largely stopping carbs as well as the booze and doing a shit load more gym time although I can’t be arsed tonight. A booze free Xmas doesn’t worry me as have done some in the past but I can’t dwell too much on the future as the paradox of never drinking again set against the obvious benefits that I feel every day – physical and mental, are just blindingly obvious. But I still get massive cravings, sense of loss, envy etc when I see people enjoying themselves in a bar – which I did today in central London.

    As you know, what you are doing is fucking hard; you can be easily swayed (don’t be). Things and life will conspire to throw you off your purpose (don’t let them). Temptation will creep up on you when you least expect it – that’s when you need to take yourself out of the moment. You have children and a husband and all that entails – stress, frustration, anger, moments of giddy joy, laughter, celebration, deep despair (I do and I don’t have the kids)- all of these risk the wine witch – DON’T BE TEMPTED. Eventually it comes down to will power. I know Belle suggests something physical and I now wear an innocuous leather wrist band – but it reminds me that I am not drinking today. Tea, quality soft drinks (try Heron Valley), chocolate, ice cream, copious quantities of coffee have all helped me. Exercise, fresh air, books, new hobby are all good and when it all gets too much – I just fuck off somewhere else. The most important thing (to me) is staying sober but you will have to work out whats what in your life. I don’t avoid my reflection so much anymore for a number of reasons but I don’t kid myself that I am a massively better person – still cynical, grouchy, impatient, short tempered – just not drunk and hungover with it.

    Anyway, I have rambled on here and not in the excellent Led Zeppelin way. I’ll be haunting your blog and it has warmed my heart to see you back.

    Justonemore

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    1. Brilliant to hear from you, Justonemore! Glad you’re still hanging on in there (slumming it in Fortnums, eh?!). Thankyou for all the top tips, I shall seek out that AF beer. Been contemplating a physical reminder a la Belle, but maybe when I reach a milestone or something. You sound amazingly healthy…! I’m hoping that level of dedication will be achievable for me once I’m over the hump, as it were.
      It’s wonderful that you’re still cheering me on, after all my false starts I do appreciate it more than I can express properly.
      It will be the large, eff-off £100 version of the Hotel Choc by the way. I figure after 3 months, I’ll have saved about £750 in current wine spending terms, so £100 will be a flippin bargain. I’m going for the bonkers £160 chocolate cabinet thingy at the end of my first year…
      Red xx

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  4. Oh my goodness – just heard you were back on the block and popped over to see how you were doing and find you’ve been reading my blog and finding it helpful – entirely selfishly, lovely for me to hear!
    Wishing you well and looking forward to reading about that big box of chocolates in 97 days time (and in the interim!) xx

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  5. Hooray for Red!! Welcome back lovely lady and good for you giving it another go. Today is day 180 for me, all off the back of the 100 day challenge (I never did get a mention on Belle’s roundup which I was a bit miffed about) only a few more days to 6 months. This too can be yours and it really is so much better and everything they say. I’ve left it too late to comment as I am exhausted so nothing witty or pithy to say (Justonemore covered all the bases in her comment anyway)
    Delighted you are back blogging and hope to read more soon. Take care my friend and wishing you all the success in your reach.

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    1. Oh my – 180 days, congrats Ginger that’s amazing! Nearly 6 months wow. Am so glad to hear you sounding so good!! You surely need to do a 6 month blog post?! I’m missing your blogging.. anyway, I shall probably post tonight, am looking forward to a clear, present, AF evening. Red xx

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  6. It’s so lovely to have you back Red! Thought we’d lost you there for a while! I’ve got 9 months under my belt AF. Off to Florence next week for a wine-tasting trip with husband and a bunch of friends. Needless to say I won’t be joining in the tasting festivities. Slightly nervous about the idea of it all but my husband is very much looking forward to it. Ahhh dear… the things we do for love heh..

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