A month. A month!

Bloody hell – where’s that gone? Last week was a blur of preparation for a weekend away. The stress levels were, quite simply, insane. Did I crumble? Did I fuck.

I’m beginning to realise that I need to put things in place to help alleviate the pressure I put on myself. Just telling myself not to get stressed-out obviously doesn’t work. Getting shitfaced works temporarily, but then very quickly worsens the situation. Everything does not need to be perfect.

However, a weekend away at Whitby, in a tiny cottage, with my in-laws, Mr Red and the three children went rather well. And I didn’t need to drink. We went on a steam train over the North Yorkshire Moors, and the Redlets met Father Christmas, and much magic abounded. We enjoyed the sea-air, cosy evenings tucked up watching films. And throughout I was present, clear-headed, and even able to meet a small child who was ill at 3am with calm and reassurance. It felt good.

I found myself feeling nostalgic about the idea of drinking once, when walking through the dark cobbled streets, past cosy-looking pubs. But I played the tape forward in my mind, and I didn’t like the end of the story so much.

My last post was full of frustration and negativity. For the record, I did feel like crap that day. But realistically, that has been one really bad day out of 30. For the vast majority of the time, I’m immensely grateful to myself for just stopping.

I am getting sudden cravings for wine, usually out of left-field, often at times when I would have usually been drinking. I put this down to simply going through the process of breaking the old habits. I’m busy forming new ones – music is helping hugely. My new habit when I start cooking in the kitchen is to choose some music, usually something that kicks ass, and blast it out. It’s got to be something I love, something that gets me moving, and whacks me in the solar-plexus. Idlewild have been featuring quite a lot. I’m finding music releases endorphins similar to that first sip of wine. Really, I shit ye not.

So I’m feeling relatively calm heading towards the festivities of next week. I’m way more organised than I was this time last year, and there’s one mighty fine reason for that.

As of last night and a messy hour in the bathroom, my hair is an ever more vibrant shade of red (I was going for Ygritte, but it’s come out a bit more Melisandre..), and my nails are this colour:

IMG_20161213_120527.jpg

I’m ready for Christmas, and I want to see what the next 30 days brings me.

With love, and a mince-pie treat,

Red xx

 

 

 

 

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26 thoughts on “A month. A month!”

  1. Wow, a very exciting post! I am so happy for you. It’s amazing, isn’t it, that you can get through life successfully without sipping bits of poison on a regular basis? Who knew?
    And I have a few new phrases: I shit ye not. Love that one. And Redlets. So cute! And I googled beautiful Whitby. What an amazing place.
    Going to listen to some Idlewood for the first time. Thanks for the uplifting holiday message. ; )

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Yay Red! Good to see a post from you.. I worry when you go quiet! Sounds like Whitby was just what the doctor ordered… although Christmas seems to be racing towards us and I add two things for every one crossed off my to do list. A month is a pretty big deal for both of us.. long may it continue! xx

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    1. Mmmmm…. 16 hours on a plane (there and back) for half a days work. Nice to see the sun though. Flew out Sunday, came back on Tuesday very early. Had to go to another meeting in Swindon today but thats me for Christmas as am working from home now.

      Justonemore

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  3. Congratulations, 30 big fat luscious sober days is amazing. For me it was a huge milestone this time around since I hadn’t managed more tha at best 14 days prior to this. You are rocking this so far and I hope TWTIK will be chugging along behind you too.
    Did you really filter? My hands defo give away my age 😞. I am hoping you are still speaking to me after my “Brit-bashing” post. I wonder if anyone is speaking to me even.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Ginger – and of course I’m still speaking to you!! I thought your post was great, didn’t I comment?? Eep – I usually try to, unless I’m reading at midnight etc. How are you doing in the Xmas run-up?? Big hugs, my friend. Red xx

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  4. I AM SO HAPPY for you!!!
    Here’s a big fat kiss and hug from Minnesota!!
    Keep looking for the positives and don’t forget the reason why you are doing this!!!
    Just do it one day, one moment at a time.
    Keep looking for ways to distract, or deal with the thoughts, when they come up.
    Dancing to music is a great release!
    So is yelling in the car if you need to!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Congratulations on one month Red!! That is so awesome! Your weekend away sounds lovely. I find playing the tape forward to the end is an excellent tool for me, and taking it one day at a time also. I am so proud of you. You will totally rock this Christmas! A x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Mark, happy hols back to you and yours. It’s a tough one. I got given 12 carefully hand-picked bottles of wine and fizz by my boss this week. Tailored to what I “like” (read: liked) to drink. Loathed to throw them, seems a crime. I’ve asked Mr Red to deal with them! And I’m steadfastly enjoying my hangover-free coffee this morning. Red xx

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