It’s day 74 today.. and I’ve been inspired to post today by SWMum, who’s on day 77 and seems to be in a similar place to me.
For the last week or so, I’ve been feeling inexplicably low, lacking in joy, in fact downright nihilistic. I have a much longed-for week off work, with nothing planned apart from relaxing, however even this has failed to inspire me. If anything, it’s adding to my irritation, as various mildly rubbish events have been steadily encroaching on this time off, so that what should have been nearly a week and a half, has turned into effectively two x 6 hour slots of time off. With a fucking cold, to boot.
The “me” of two weeks ago would have been positive about this, not let it get me down, would have found a bright side somewhere, and enjoyed moments of real happiness. The “me” of now is just plain hacked off, and even sitting with my feet up and a muffin the size of my head is failing to inspire me.
I’ve had a few thoughts of drinking this week too, which have annoyed me. (But, hey, EVERYTHING is annoying me). This could be because it’s my first bit of proper time off sober – I would usually have made this as an excuse to drink a lot of “treats”. And because Mr Red is also off, we would have planned in time to “escape” to cosy pubs and drink way too much. It’s been preying on my mind, I’m just not having rebellious, let-my-hair-down fun and my brain is trying to tell me it’s because there’s an absence of booze.
So, seasoned sober folk – d’you think this is the dreaded PAWS? Will I feel bouncy ever again? I shall now lie face-down in my Victoria Sponge Muffin, and await your thoughts..